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Dr. Seuss had it right when he said that "you'd be surprised how many ways I change on different colored days".  Other slogans adopted by the offspring in my domestic nest include: 'whatever floats your boat', 'take it or leave it', and 'ready or not, here i come'.  In lieu of a completely disastrous day followed by a rockin awesome day (obviously stemming from Fischer's behavior, mood, and inclinations), I've felt the urge to purge my thoughts on the difference between an awesome day verses a catastrophic day in our world.  (NOTE:  You may sense a tremor of a facetious tone, but mostly, I'm SO not kidding.)
An awesome day begins with a smile, hug, and "good morning mommy" before the demands for milk, tv, and breakfast begin.
A catastrophic day begins with "mom, gimmie milk and tv."

A- I only have to reheat my coffee 3 times AND I make it through an entire day without self-medicating or busting out the olive juice and shaker.
C- I am still reheating my initial cup of java at 3 in the afternoon, and I most definitely do not make it through the day without self-medicating and calling the spouse midday to remind him that I need more olive juice.

A- Fish plays independently most of the day, and I have to ask him if he wants me to play.  (NOTE: I still have to play the shit roles.)
C- Fish whines All. Day. Long.  No desire to play on his own.  Hangs all over me, and follows me around as though boredom is going to wreck his life.

A- He tells the general public that his butt is scratchy and his pants hurt his wiener.
C- He can't control his disgust and frustration and drops the "F-bomb" in the store.

A- I only have to resort to bribery twice, dolling out 1 sucker and 1 pack of fruit snacks.
C- Bribery and threats are the name of the game.  No amount of sweets or taking away of toys will matter. 

A- Fischer let's me know before he exits the bathroom that he needs me to wipe his butt. 
C- It not only escapes his mind to inform me about his number 2 business, but he takes it upon himself to wipe and play inspector gadget.  (Have you read Running With Scissors?...if you have, you know what I mean)

A- Fischer only asks the same question 5 or 6 times over the course of the day.
C- Fischer obsesses constantly over an upcoming event; he might ask the same question 40+ times throughout the course of the day. (This obsessive, anxiety ridden behavior has improved 100% since starting OT and only seems to surface when he gets very out-of-sync.)

A- Impulse control is in tact, and I only have to make minor adjustments like:  replace batteries, rearrange bookshelves, put away 20 dvd's, 409 the spaghetti stains out of the carpet, sweep up his oatmeal construction site, and rewash the dishes that he "washed" with lavender oil.
C- Umm...where to begin?  Fischer's imagination and creativity with play dough trickles all over the house.  A blob of red play dough winds up inside the dvd player because he thought it might make the skipping cease.  Little balls of blue play dough speckled throughout the living room floor, which is necessary if the jolly roger is going to set sail.  (I won't find what he did with the yellow play dough until next week.)  75 (not kidding) books piled on my bed because it is his library.  Red marker to remove off the freshly painted white walls (what was I thinking?).  All knobs removed from his sister's dresser (Kevin can deal with that shit.)  Remove broken crayons and hi-ho-cherries from his shotgun...both are actually quite creative substitutes for bullets.  And, I only have to buy a new box of crayons twice a week. 

A- Fischer spills his milk down the crevice of the couch and tells me that it was an accident. (Seriously, it is THE cutest thing when he tells me something is an accident!)
C- I am summoned to the living room to look at his new-and-improved pirate ship, (his $80 pirate ship) and it's slashed sails and flags (with scissors); Fish asks if it was an accident.

A- Fish only drinks half my coffee.  Coffee is like toilet paper, it's not meant to be shared.  Since I can't self-medicate every day, I rely on coffee way too much to share even a drop.
C- He snakes my coffee in the am, stashes it away, and pulls it out an hour before bedtime and downs the entire thing.  He's like his mamma when it comes to coffee; if it means going without, he'll drink his coffee cold.

Awesome- There isn't a toddler out there who is as dynamic, unique, and funny as mine.  He is a completely different kid today than he was a year ago and has made progress beyond belief.  He tells Kevin and I at least 12 times a day that he loves us.  He tells me that I am beautiful.  His imagination and pretend play is so deep and complex that I'm too simple-minded for him at times.  At times, he can play independently for over an hour.   He has worked so hard to reprogram his brain and has developed so many coping mechanisms that you don't notice that he's not a normal, smart tot.

Catastrophic- Even on bad days, he still tells Kevin and I that he loves us and wants to be held and loved on.  Tough days serve to remind me how much "noise" he has to deal with to present like other kids.  On these days, I think that as difficult as it can be at times to parent a toddler with SPD (or a toddler in general), imagine how difficult it must be to be that toddler who isn't in control. 

 
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Growing up, holidays were my favorite.  My mom went all out.  As a result, I have massive Easter nostalgia:  the bunny, the candy, the basket, wearing alarmingly dreadful dresses, making my church appearance for the year, and the awesome egg hung with my extended family.  My cousins and I have children now, but we still celebrate all holidays with the same extended family.  So when we're all present, there are 23 of us.  And they are loud, talk a lot (myself included), and opinionated.  In addition, we play loud games like catch phrase; even games like euchre get loud.   

Now that I have Fischer, crowded and loud make for a rough day and a rough week of deregulation to follow.  It's now Wednesday and we're still trying to get back to "normal".  (FYI- I don't actually know what normal means.)  He's chewing on blankets, sweatshirt ties, and toys.  He's telling me 'no' when I ask him to do anything.  And when he wants to mix it up, he says, "I'm not talking to you."  He gets frustrated really easily and he gets rough with the tablet and his toys.

Getting clothes on the kid is manual labor.  He's been wearing jammies for days because there is no way I'm even attempting to get him dressed.  Well, pajama bottoms and a stained Justin Verlander shirt; changing the shirt is the most difficult part of dressing.  He refuses to wear socks with his boots, and then they get sweaty and stuck on his feet and he gets pissed and screams.  For whatever reason, even if I tell him not to wear cowboy boots without socks, it's still my fault when they won't come off.  Funny how that works.  Reverse psychology doesn't work and neither do threats and bribery, so I'm basically screwed.  Yesterday, he refused to put shoes, socks, or a coat on when leaving my parent's house; I thought for sure he'd turn around and head back in the house when his arms and bare feet met 35 degrees, but no such luck. 

Because his behavior is more "appropriate" and socially acceptable when i am not around, it might appear that I baby him or exaggerate his deregulated behavior.  I think it's difficult for even those that we're close with to understand why he is "easy" when I'm not around.  He's still effected by the crowds, noise, lighting, touch sensations and over-stimulation when I'm not around, he just utilizes his coping mechanisms.  What a lot of people may not realize is that he works twice as hard as "normal" kids in over-stimulating situations, like holidays.  Even when he's out-of-sync, if I am not nearby, he doesn't usually exhibit behavioral difficulties.  But, as his OT says, I am his safety net.  He doesn't have to be on-his-game when he's with me.  He doesn't have to use the tiring coping mechanisms that he has developed for social situations.  I'm glad I can be that for him, but damn, it is so tiring and frustrating. 

Fischer is with his dad right now, which is why I have a necessary respite to compose this post.  He will run him ragged and give him loads of heavy work to help regulate him, despite the entire 20 oz sprite that I know Kevin's buddy will give him.  I only have 1 jar of olives left, and since I haven't had time to shower in days, I won't be able to make a public appearance to replenish.  Ya know, 1 jar of olives only make 3-4 dirty martinis?

This Easter marks the second holiday that Fischer has made it public knowledge that he doesn't like one of my aunts.